It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
third nipple confirmed
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
