chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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