Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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