when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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