i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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