How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
