i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
