the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize