I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize