what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
