I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
