have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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