those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
