I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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