listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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