I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
