"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
