i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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