i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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