I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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