This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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