i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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