I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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