Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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