So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize