sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
