i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
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can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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