I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
