mondays should just be called national damage control day
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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