I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
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