tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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