I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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