and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
