Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
