but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
