what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
