tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
