Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
