half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
