I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
