pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
