Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
