No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
