If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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