Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
