turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
