I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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