so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize