batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!