It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.