is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy