mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
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I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch