i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
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I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
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A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.