in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
