the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The struggles of a small town man whore
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
