I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
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I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
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I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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