so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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