k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Boobs speak an international language.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
