Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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