you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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