Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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