My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
