lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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