a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
