Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize