I'm really into asian looking animals
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
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